What is a monster? Is it a creature that lurks in the night, skulking around to find its next meal? Is it the eerie pale grey at midnight with sharp teeth, razor sharp claws, and the eyes of a demon? Is it the words you hear your mother speak when she talks about you—so well intended but thinly veiled in malice and malcontent? Is it the scars all across your body—all over your chest and spanning down your stomach, your forearms, your hips—all the way down to your calves? Or is it the voice in your head that tells you that you’re unworthy of love and unfit to exist?
Oh, the desperation to be loved. But who could love a monster?
Den City—a haven for the desolate. For what better way to hide than to blend right into the crowd? To make no name for yourself amongst the population known for so much?
Den City is the biggest city in the province; in the country. As such, it is the main haven for the world’s prevalent vampire population. The blood driven citizens enjoy equal rights in the city, receiving local protections from harm. Any one person caught directly assaulting a vampire is either fined a hefty sum or incarcerated for their crimes. Den City also offers many indulgences too, of course. For where else could a vampire enjoy the constant shade of the high rise buildings, and man-made canopies? Where else in the country could one find blood poultices, potions, and tonics so readily available? A city perpetually in the shade, lit by the dim streetlights that decorate the metropolis... it is a vampire’s dream home.
Though not directly affected by the sunlight, nor in need of blood—which is why it’s called an indulgence, of course—the city offers many temptations many vampires would be foolish to decline. The city does its absolute best to accommodate its citizenry, up to and including the easy procurement of blood. The wild, intoxicating rush of blood is enough for any blood sucker to refuse to be anywhere else. Though many other destinations have these supplies, to be sure, they are not as in abundance as they are in Den City. One can simply walk into a grocery store (free of that horrendous herb called garlic, by the way!) and purchase a drink with ease.
Still there are many of those in Den City that don’t derive pleasure from the consumption of blood—yes, there are many humans who have adapted to its vampire population. Those with no quarry against their vampiric brethren, who wish only to coexist. (For the most part.) Besides, with so much blood in abundance, what could humans even dare to worry about? The stuff is so easy to find and so cheap to buy there is no need for any worrying. It is a natural coexistence.
There are, of course, always outliers. Those that live outside of the influence the city had so lavishly blessed them with—for one reason or another. There are those who wish nothing but ill upon vampires who are not deterred by the laws in place—those who despise the standing vampires have in society. Perhaps those who have lost loved ones to the creatures in ages long, long past—a grudge they just cannot let go. For, alas, it has not always been this peaceful. Indeed, although the human generations that have passed have been many, their generational trauma cannot be forgotten. And vampires have sinned the worst of us, according to them.
And on the flip side, of course, some vampires still have an acquired taste for real human blood, unable to be satiated with the popular bloody consumables that are at the ready. For blood is a poison and a bloody intoxicant, a substance all too easy to become addicted to—and part of that addiction lies in the method of extraction. A deadly bite that punctures the soft, warm flesh of human skin is all too enticing for those who have become addicted to it. Though there are rehabilitation centres scattered throughout the city to help those in need, there are always the few that slip through the cracks and can’t deny themselves the ecstasy.
But the law will be upheld. And those that transgress are locked away in cages and dealt with swiftly and justly. For no one will destroy the peace that was long fought for by their ancestors.
“Yusaku, these sessions aren’t going to work if you don’t talk to me,” a woman’s voice expressed sternly.
Ugh... Be quiet... Yusaku thought, sitting lazily on a navy lounge chair as he held his forehead in one of his palms.
“Are you even listening?!” The woman desperately asked him. “I’m trying to help you!” The desperation in her voice is even more evident as it reverberates off of the colourless walls.
“I can’t—”
“Stop saying you can’t!” The woman interrupted. “You’ve been using that excuse for over 15 years! How many more times must I run over your case file, Yusaku? How many more therapists are you going to burn through before you accept any help?”
Shut up...
“I can’t keep you as a client if you’re not going to make progress.”
Shut up! Do you really think I don’t want help? Do you really think I’m not trying? I...
“So will you say something or will you continue to stare at me in silence?”
Yusaku balled his hands into fists, lifted them up and slammed them back down. “Shut up! You don’t know anything!” Yusaku angrily blurted out. “You refuse to understand. I told you in the beginning that I can’t—I just can’t talk about it...”
The woman sighed, closing the notepad she had open in front of her. “I’m glad you at least feel anger, Yusaku, but this isn’t going anywhere,” the woman vented in frustration. “Please call the office when you’re ready to talk about what happened and I’ll make sure there is someone willing to take you.”
“But—“Yusaku began to say. “Why won’t you listen to me?” He pleaded as his cheeks grew red. He stood up from his chair in protest.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized. “There’s nothing I can do. Have a safe trip home, Yusaku.”
And with that, the woman got up from her chair and opened the door, leaving the room—and by extension, Yusaku—all by himself.
Yusaku stood in silence inside of the empty room for a few moments, his mouth twitching and his cheeks burning. All he could think about was the rage stewing inside of him. Why does no one understand? Why does no one even try to understand? You’d think that licensed therapists would understand that some things are just impossible to talk about—there is just... too much pain... Who cares if it has been 15 years? Time does not undo the pain and suffering that has been inflicted. Surely Yusaku would open himself up if he only could, wouldn’t he? He wanted help, but no matter what he had done to better himself, Yusaku simply hadn’t been able to get his mouth to move or his tongue to string together the words to talk about what happened to him. Fifteen years ago... it was all he could do just to survive until he got out of high school. Now, all these years after graduation, he’d been trying to get better. But no one listened to him.
I can’t even cry when I want to. What makes you think I’m able to talk about it? Yusaku questioned to himself, picking up his bag from the floor. He tossed it over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, dejectedly leaving the therapy office as he began his commute home.
By the time Yusaku got home, the sky had become overcast. Much like the inside of himself, a cluster of clouds loomed over the city. The temperature was hot and humid, making it so uncomfortably sticky, which made him feel sickly. A lone figure stood outside with an umbrella attached to his hip, but paid Yusaku no mind. He stumbled inside of the building and fumbled with his keys as he approached his apartment door, and finally entered when he could stop shaking and find his key.
It was as quiet as it always was when he entered—not a single sound to be heard in the dreary apartment. After shutting the door behind him, Yusaku dropped his bag and leaned on the entrance wall. He balled up his fists and pounded on the wall in front of him.
Dammit... He thought , his eyes beginning to sting. Not again. I’m so fucking sick of this.
Making his way further inside, Yusaku reached the kitchen and sat down at the table. He sighed heavily, threw his hands in front of him, and laid his head down carelessly. He shifted his weight so he could be more comfortable, and found his eyes staring off into no direction in particular.
His heart ached.
No one listened. No one understood. All these years later and Yusaku was still struggling to get any help for his pain. When would someone finally listen to him? When would he find someone to help that genuinely gave a shit? That wouldn’t force him to do things that would worsen his pain? That would understand when he couldn’t do things? He just wanted to move on, why was talking about it even necessary?
What was the point of it all? Of anything? To feel all of this anguish with no recourse? With no answer or end in sight?
I just want it to stop... even for a little bit...Yusaku lamented, his gaze aimlessly floating around the kitchen. He abruptly stopped searching as the knife block came into sight.
Yes, that will work... Who cares if I’ve been sober for three months anyway? Yusaku asked with little regard for himself. He lazily lifted his head from the table and stood up. This was the only way he could make the pain stop—at least for a little while.
Yusaku trudged himself over to the edge of the counter. He dragged his tired bare feet against the hard tile, focused entirely on what would come next. He made contact with the hilt and drew the knife from its block. Firmly grasping the blade, Yusaku spun it mindlessly in his fingers and groaned as he saw his awful, dishevelled state against the blade's reflective surface.
“I look like hell,” he stated out loud to himself, a blank, lifeless stare showcased in the reflection of his knife. The dark bags under his eyes made him look like a zombie, and it wasn't far from how he felt , too. Numb and barely alive.
Enough is enough.
Yusaku slid the blade lightly along his wrist, feeling its sharp edge against his skin. There were faint outlines of previous instances of this, but Yusaku didn't care at the moment. Without any further hesitation or distraction, he angled the knife into his flesh in one smooth motion and cut a slit into his skin. Yusaku winced and groaned at the sudden pain he'd inflicted upon himself. Blood slowly began to trickle out of the wound, and small droplets fell onto the pure white kitchen tile. It would stain, but Yusaku didn’t care—precautions were already in place to deal with the aftermath. Stain remover that worked for both the floor and his clothes would work just as fine as they always had.
Ah, that’s better. Yusaku, focused intently on watching the blood dribble from his wound onto the floor with a small splash, began to feel something other than indifference. The cold tiles against his feet were just another dull sensation, but this motion, it stirred something within him. His chest, swirled with incomprehensible and painful emotions, felt lighter. Bearing the pain became so much easier when it was in a physical form with clearly visible marks.
Can’t you see it? Won't you understand now? Yusaku wondered, as the prickling feeling in his chest began to fade.
Feeling a wave of relief wash over his aching heart, Yusaku sliced across his pale skin once more, and made an identical slit just beneath the previous wound. He winced again at the pain, but felt even more relief wash over him. Yusaku sighed heavily and watched the blood pour out of the second wound. It trickled down his arm and onto the kitchen tile around his feet. The floor became spattered with numerous drops of blood, and Yusaku slowly became aware of what was reoccurring.
God... he'd broken his sobriety again, the regret and shame hitting him like a relentless wave. I'm such a fucking idiot. These wounds w eren’t going to be easy to hide, and again he'd have to explain to his roommate that nothing is wrong, don’t worry, the knife just slipped while I was chopping vegetables. But, how many times could he use the same old excuse before his roommate stopped believing it? When would it run out of merit and cause concern or worry? He didn't want this... the ache in his heart returned full force as it crept along his whole body like a snake, slithered and coiled tightly into his chest.
The release he so desperately sought after didn't come.
“Fuck,” Yusaku gripped the counter in frustration, and bemoaned his current state. He slammed the knife against the counter and groaned as drops of blood were splashed onto the cutting board near him, making even more of a mess. “I told myself I’d stop this. I... I have to get better. I can’t keep living like this.”
Regrettably, Yusaku held his wounds with his free hand, dragged himself into the bathroom, and began to run the faucet. The ice cold water would clear his head and his fresh wounds needed cleaning.
He ran the faucet with ice cold water, and held his wounded arm underneath the tap. Pressure released from his arm, Yusaku let the blood pour down into the sink as he gazed at the marks he had etched into his skin. He flinched reflexively against the water's touch, as the sudden prick of ice cold water against his open flesh stung like hell. But, he knew he couldn't stop. He'd already committed and would just have to deal with this pain. He stood over the sink and watched the blood drain from below his wrists, tilted downwards to wash it all away properly.
When he saw that the blood had finally stopped flowing, he turned off the tap and lightly dried himself off. He tended to his wounds with antibiotic and ointment from the medicine cabinet. Yusaku flinched slightly at the sting of alcohol that disinfected the area, and prepared a bandage to cover his wounds.
After applying the ointment and wrapping himself up, Yusaku sighed deeply, rested his hands on the counter and looked into his bloodshot eyes in the mirror.
Was this all there was to life? A cycle of pain, regret, and misery? Of never recovering from the trauma of his childhood? How long would this cycle continue? How much longer was Yusaku meant to endure? He didn’t feel he had much left in him, to be honest.
Though the therapy had never helped him learn to stop this cycle of suicidal ideation, it at least helped him learn how to calm down. Yusaku recognized he was spiralling rather quickly, and needed to get out of it. He recounted the lessons he’d learned, and quieted himself. He breathed in deeply, and then out slowly. In and out, in and out.
He may have already fucked up, but he could at least stop and try to regain his composure and stop his spiralling thoughts. He could clean up the blood after he settled down.
Next time, Yusaku may very well give up trying once and for all, though.
Upon walking out of his bathroom, Yusaku saw the sky light up outside of his living room window—a bright flash of lightning pierced the sky. He loosened the blue tie of his buttoned, collared shirt, and laughed. What a fucking mess he was.
Maybe a good soak in this storm would clear his head.
After exiting his apartment building, Yusaku noticed the handsome stranger he had seen standing outside earlier was closer to the building than before—standing under his now open umbrella. Yusaku paid him no mind though, and the stranger seemed to reciprocate the notion.
He leaned against the edge of the building, and rested one of his feet against the hard surface. He let the rain fall onto his face without repercussion, his hair and his clothes getting soaked. Yusaku wanted to make a joke that if he ended up crying, no one would be able to tell with all of the rain, but, well.
It’s not like he could cry even if he wanted to.
As he stood there, the rain pouring down onto his shaking body, Yusaku noticed the stranger nearby started to walk towards him.
Shit, leave me alone, Yusaku thought to himself, watching as the stranger slowly began to pick up his pace. He noticed he had very dark hair, which seemed to be dyed back, given the platinum blonde roots. His bangs were a deep grape purple, while the rest of his hair was loosely braided, hung off of his left shoulder. He was wearing dark makeup, his eyelids decorated with a deep purple hue. His umbrella matched the dark black of his hair.
As he drew closer, Yusaku began to grow wide eyed. The closer the stranger came into view, the more Yusaku was able to notice. And what Yusaku noticed first was his bright, slit golden eyes, his pale grey skin, and the lack of reflection in any of the rain puddles he walked past.
The ‘platinum blond’ roots Yusaku assumed he had seen, were in fact, silver. The silver of a vampire.
The stranger approached him, umbrella held out.
“It's not good to be out without an umbrella, you'll get sick from the cold,” the stranger told him.
Yusaku brushed him off. “I don’t need one. I’m fine.”
The stranger scoffed. “You’re still human, aren’t you? A vampire like me won’t get sick from this. Just take it.”
Yusaku sighed, and hesitated before taking the umbrella from the stranger. He threw it up above his head, and sneezed. Point taken. He wrinkled his nose.
“What’s a vampire doing out here anyway?” Yusaku asked, now curious. “There aren’t many canopies or blood stores in this neighbourhood.”
“Ah, well,” the stranger began, “I like solitary places. The city life is too bright.” He paused. “My name is Ai, by the way.”
“Oh, I was unaware vampires still have sensitivity to light,” Yusaku responded. “I thought you evolved out of that.” He also paused. “Yusaku.”
The stranger chuckled, and the two of them shook hands. Ai’s hand was so clammy and cold in Yusaku’s warm hand. “Yeah, well, I happen to be an exception.”
Yusaku stared at him, bewildered. He had encountered many vampires in his lifetime, but this one seemed... oddly different. He dyed his natural silver hair, he hung out in a mostly human neighbourhood, he was sensitive to light... a real weirdo.
Yusaku wondered what kind of ‘exception’ he could possibly be talking about. He found himself drowning in Ai's presence, lost in his golden irises. It wasn’t often he was so close to other humans, much less a vampire. His eyes were so peculiar. They were just like a cat’s eyes when soaked in sunlight.
Ugh, get it together...! He composed himself and finally formed a response.
“Well, whatever. Did you really come over here just to give me an umbrella?” Yusaku asked, his curiosity now showing. Who is this strange vampire? There is something about him that he just can’t stop himself from being curious about. Despite them just meeting, he felt a strange sense of familiarity between them.
Ai laughed again. “Did you forget vampires can smell blood?”
Yusaku’s eyes widened, and he forced himself to laugh. How could he forget such an obvious thing? Ai would have smelled the fresh blood on his person, probably reeling with the smell of something so intoxicating.
Vampires could obviously control themselves easily enough, but Yusaku was nosy anyway.
“Do you... want a bite?” He asked, genuinely.
“P-Pardon?” Ai stuttered.
“My blood... do you want a taste of it?” Yusaku rephrased. What was he doing? Something definitely not right, that’s for sure, but Yusaku couldn’t cease his curiosity. What must a vampire’s bite feel like when compared to the slit of a knife? The thought wouldn’t leave his mind. The anguish in his aching heart begged for release.
“I’m sorry, what exactly are you asking me?” Ai questioned, hands on his hips. What was Yusaku hinting at? He couldn’t quite understand what was going on. Did he... want him to drink his blood? There’s just no way that was possible—
Yusaku let out an exasperated sigh. He turned his body towards the stranger, and held out his bandaged arm. “I’m asking if you’d like a drink.”
“Wh-what!?” Ai exclaimed. “You can’t possibly be asking me this! You know it’s forbidden for a vampire to consume the blood of a human.”
Yusaku chuckled. “You really think I’d ask you to do it in public? I live here and my roommate is out of town.”
“H-Hold on!” Ai yet again exclaimed. “Where is this coming from? Why... would you want this...? You’re not a fetishist are you?” He asked, a disgusted look on his face.
“No, I’m not a fucking fetishist. Look,” Yusaku retorted, “I want to feel the pain from someone else’s hand.”
Ai gave him a questionable look.
“I've been in therapy since I was a child.” Yusaku began to explain. “There was an incident, and my parents have had me in therapy ever since. But I... I can't do it, I can't share any part of me with another person. I'm tired of remembering the pain, so please help me to forget it for a while.” He paused for clarity. “Real human blood has to taste better than all those tonics and medicines, doesn't it?”
Why Yusaku could tell this to a complete stranger he wasn’t sure, but it just felt so... natural. Maybe it was the allure of a vampire, or maybe telling a complete stranger he's flunking therapy was easy when he was at his absolute lowest. Sure he was anxious as all hell saying all of this, trying to keep his cool when his heart was racing at top speed. But could he really let this opportunity pass him by? Perhaps he was weak for this, for feeling so desperate.
If not this random stranger though, then who would it it be? Yusaku had no one in his life he felt he could ask this of.
Kusanagi was a slightly older man that had taken him off of the streets after his parents had kicked him out, and Takeru was only his roommate. He could never open up to either of them—for who could promise that their relationship would remain the same? What would they think of him even if he could garner the courage to tell them of this twisted, distorted part of him? But who could confide in someone who has only ever kept their distance?
His parents? That was laughable.
Ai took some time to answer, stroking his chin as he lost himself in thought. There was no way he could refuse this man’s offer... he may have come across as a rather strange vampire, but he was still a vampire nonetheless. Could he lie and say he had an addiction problem? Maybe. That could get him out of it. But did he really want out of it?
Did he really want out of a perfect opportunity to get to know Yusaku? The man whose destiny his is so intrinsically linked to?
Ai's heart began to beat rapidly, which began to make him feel like it would explode out of his chest if he got any more nervous.
“Very well, but I have a condition for this partnership,” Ai finally replied. He stared intently with a stern glimmer into Yusaku's emerald eyes.
Yusaku gulped, and nodded.
“You need to get help. What exactly is stopping you from getting help in therapy?” Ai asked, point blank.
Yusaku huffed lightly and began rubbing the back of his neck. He focused his attention to the wet, paved sidewalk. “They never listen... I just can’t bring myself to talk about what happened. It’s like...” he trailed off. “It’s too painful to talk about it—the words just refuse to even come out of my mouth.”
“Hm,” Ai grunted. “This incident, you don’t have to tell me about it, but is it something that has been resolved?”
“Resolved?” Yusaku asked, confused.
“Whatever caused this incident, is it taken care of? Are you safe?” Ai explained.
“Ah,” Yusaku began, now understanding. “No, I wouldn’t say so. I don’t... really know much of anything about it, really. I was unconscious for most of it. I only remember bits and pieces.”
“Well, why not start there? Learn the truth,” Ai suggested, waving his hands while he talked. “If you need help hacking into anything, just come to me. I’m a computer programmer, I’ll teach you.”
Out of all the years of therapy Yusaku had been subjected to, he had never heard a more concrete answer to his problem. That this vampire just threw it out as a suggestion, who he assumed had no experience in handing out therapy—by god he was astonished. It was a beginning. Maybe he really was right to let his desperation do all of the talking tonight.
Yusaku eagerly nodded in agreement. “Very well, I’ll begin there.”
Ai also nodded. “Very good. Do we have an agreement then, Yusaku?”
“We do, Ai. I look forward to working with you.”
“Uh,” Ai laughed nervously. “I’m not sure if I like the word ‘work’ pertaining to the guy whose blood I’m going to be... drinking.”
“Noted,” Yusaku stated. “I’ll refrain from calling it that. I look forward to our mutually beneficial relationship then.”
“That’s better,” Ai breathed, relieved Yusaku wouldn't contest the idea. “Shall we exchange numbers then?”
“Oh, good idea,” Yusaku said as he pulled out his cell phone. He opened the screen to his contacts, pressing the New Contact button. “What’s your email?”
Ai spelled out his email, which for some reason was really long but with a short email domain. Yusaku input Ai's email and sent a message to make sure everything was correct. Ai took out his phone and let Yusaku know with a nod that the text was received.
“Can we meet tonight?” Yusaku asked, more enthusiastic than he wanted to admit.
“Hm... alright.” Ai answered, picking up on Yusaku’s enthusiasm. “But after tonight I’m gonna need to see some proof you’re making progress. Got it?”
Yusaku complied while he returned the umbrella to its owner.
Ai took it willingly, and winked. “I’ll bring an extra next time, ‘kay?”
“Sure. Thanks,” Yusaku retorted, waving his hand as he began to walk back into his apartment building.
Ai hung the umbrella above his head like before, though it was of little use to someone who was soaked. He watched as Yusaku went out of sight, and smiled mysteriously as he made his way in preparation for that night.
Yusaku sighed breathlessly as he walked back into his apartment, and shut the door behind him. He could feel his heart pounding exuberantly in his chest, vibrating against his whole body like a wild drum. He couldn’t believe what he’d just confessed to a complete stranger, let alone that he had asked the stranger—a vampire!—to drink his blood. Like a beggar in the night, he had confessed his sins and received salvation from the devil.
“It will be worth it,” Yusaku thought, attempting to convince himself. “The pain won’t be wrought by my own hand anymore.”
Yusaku, deescalating his rapidly beating heart, brought his attention back to reality. He grievously panned his vision around the kitchen—forcing his eyes to focus on the blood-stained tiles, as well as the crimson hue trickling along the counter top.
I guess I should clean up for company, shouldn’t I? Yusaku pondered internally, eyes glazing over as he thought back to his earlier actions.
He begrudgingly forced himself further into the apartment as his tired feet dragged against the cold, hard floor. He reached for the stain remover and decided to get to work cleaning up the mess he’d made. Yusaku went ahead and gathered up the other cleaning supplies in their usual spot and then walked back to the kitchen.
A numbness took over as he scrubbed the floor and wiped the counter, like he was running on auto-pilot. Yusaku had already gotten used to such a constant cycle of maintaining appearances for his roommate—so much so that you could say it was routine. It was, however, so much easier to bear when he was home by himself, able to pretend like it never happened—to hide the shameful disarray. Even so, in the case of a night like this, he’d been prepared. All he had to do now was clean it up.
As he knelt down to scrub the floor, and reached up to wipe the counter, Yusaku watched as the messy, bloody droplets quickly dissipated from sight. After wiping the two spots off with some paper towel, he’d managed to completely fade away all remnants of the blood.
Yusaku’s thoughts raced with possibilities. Considering his evening arrangement, Yusaku wondered if his evening plans would prompt the same kind of mess. Hopefully nothing too chaotic...
Speaking of his roommate, Takeru wouldn’t be home for several nights, which gave Yusaku plenty of time to pick up—even if this feeding did result in a little disorder. It was nothing his cleaning supplies couldn’t fix, after all.
But when it came to his own self-harm, Yusaku struggled to come up with a good story. How many excuses could he come with up to say to Takeru before he noticed something was off? Before he wasn’t convinced anymore? Yusaku began to mentally lose track of the instances he had to cover for and fell flat on the rehearsal of ideas. But...
Yusaku shook his head. No... It's not possible for Takeru to figure it out. He was too happy-go-lucky to discern the reality of Yusaku’s affliction, or at least, he wanted to believe that. If Takeru had known, he would have pushed the subject a little harder, he thought. Yusaku was somewhat relieved he wasn’t in fact interrogated by Takeru in that way. He was already exhausted from the countless times he had to relive it in therapy—sessions that didn’t provide any real improvement... even if it was his own fault that there wasn’t any lately.
I wonder , will I be able to keep my promise to Ai...?
Yusaku lightly scoffed at the thought, then picked himself and the supplies off the floor from where he had been bent over cleaning.
Yusaku threw away the remainder of the stained paper towels, and brushed the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm. The wounds on his wrist had a dull ache, and the prickling in his chest started up once more as the numbness began to trickle away.
Yusaku didn’t want to overthink the dread of lying to everyone about this again, but it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t take it back, so he’d have to accept the consequences.
However, there were more pressing matters right now. Just how was he going to explain the more obvious marks from a vampire? Yusaku absentmindedly thought he might start permanently wearing some kind of wristband so he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
Yusaku decided he would ponder the dilemma later. To distract himself until his company arrived, he began to pick up the rest of his apartment. It wouldn’t hurt to have things in order as much as possible for a guest, and he was sure Takeru would appreciate coming back home to a clean place.
Yusaku spent some time diligently tidying up, oblivious to the clock’s ticking. His focus was interrupted by steps outside of the door—his guest was precisely on time.
Knock, knock, knock. Three knocks resounded against the door, and Yusaku stepped away from the living space and towards the doorway.
Taking a deep breath in, Yusaku stepped to the front entrance and mentally prepared himself. With a heavy breath out, he reached to unlock the latch on the door, and swung it open. There Ai stood with a hand on his hip, and a lustre in his eyes.
Yusaku couldn’t help but notice the way Ai presented himself. Ai’s golden earrings made a jangling sound as his head turned to face Yusaku. They were notably different than the ones worn earlier—a diamond stud, connected to a dangling chain, held a slightly larger and hallow diamond beneath it with a pink heart-shaped jewel inside.
Ai, with his shiny, polished black nails, twirled his hair with his free hand as if waiting for Yusaku’s invitation, but he was too distracted in deep thought.
Ai certainly liked to wear beautiful jewellery... He looks stunning.
“Hey... May I come in?” Ai gently requested with a cheery expression as he gestured to the doorway.
Oh, right. Vampires aren't allowed to enter someone else’s place without express permission. Yusaku was aware of this, but it was the first time he had been asked the question himself, so he was caught by surprise.
“...Sure, you may.” Yusaku softly expressed as he motioned his hands towards the inside of his apartment. He gently swivelled the door shut behind them when they were both within the apartment, and locked the latch before moving on.
Ai had all but leapt through the entrance—his feet swiftly carrying him into the hallway. “Hurry up, slowpoke!” Ai insisted, a teasing tone in his voice.
“Hey, at least take your shoes off!” Yusaku demanded, quickly defeated by the sudden liveliness of his guest. Yusaku sighed as he wrestled the kink out of his neck, and quickened his pace to catch up. He looked up at Ai, and stared with an upturned brow. “Are you that excited?”
Ai slipped off his shoes, and shook his head with a slight smile—his long earrings clanging with every motion. “Of course! Who doesn’t love getting drunk?” Ai expressed, “But...” He trailed off for a brief moment. “Honestly, I'm also intrigued to be visiting you here. It's been quite some time since I’ve visited the home of a human. You creatures have such interesting decorating habits, like... Ah!” Ai stopped abruptly, and pointed to the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. “You always have clocks scattered throughout your homes. Vampires don’t usually rely on time too much.”
“Is that... because of your immortality?” Yusaku questioned inquisitively as he continued down the hallway, ignoring the kitchen to head to the bedroom door. He motioned for Ai to follow.
“You could say it's something like that,” Ai remarked as he followed after Yusaku. “We just aren’t as time-oriented as humans. Everything has to be fast paced for you because you’ll lose the time.”
“Huh, I see,” Yusaku replied, “I suppose that is just one of many consequences of our naturally short lifespan.”
“Time is of the essence!” Ai joked as he pointed a finger up with clarity. “...Right? I sometimes hear that phrase in the TV dramas. They’re so thrilling~” Ai expressed with a beaming smile, hands moving as he spoke.
For a brief moment, Ai noticed something peculiar out of the corner of his eye. In the sink, he saw a large knife, its edge shimmering red. Upon closer inspection, he also saw paper towels sticking out of the trash with the same shade of crimson.
It was definitely blood.
Quickly putting the pieces together, Ai figured it had something to do with Yusaku’s bandages. He hadn’t thought on it before—because he didn’t want to pry into his personal business—but it was so obvious now. Yusaku had created the wounds on his wrist himself.
Yusaku... You won’t have to keep doing that, will you? Ai asked himself, hoping the worry wouldn’t seep into his expression.
So as to not let Yusaku worry, Ai continued behind him towards the bedroom, and acted as though he hadn’t noticed anything.
Yusaku led Ai into his room, and shut the door behind him with a click. He lingered against the door with his hands behind his back, and fiddled with his fingers in hesitation.
“Do you, uh,” Yusaku paused to swallow the knot that formed in his throat, “you don't need anything do you? A glass of water? A towel? Anything?”
Ai laughed. “Are you nervous, Yusaku?”
Yusaku's lips trembled slightly. “N-Not exactly...” Yusaku’s confidence wavered in his voice more than he wanted to let on.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable,” Yusaku retorted as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, “and I don’t know how messy this all is going to be.”
Presenting a half-excuse would have to do.
A sudden wave of thoughts came flooding forward, and began to worry Yusaku... he wasn’t sure what to expect. How would Ai handle this? It made him apprehensive to think about the details. However, the idea of a vampire sinking their teeth into his skin was still something he anticipated, despite his anxieties.
“Hey, you don't need to rush into this,” Ai exclaimed, “Try to relax! I can tell you're tense.”
Yusaku looked at Ai apologetically and slumped his shoulders. “Sorry. This is just my first time with someone else doing anything like this.”
“There's no need to worry,” Ai reassured him, “I’ll control myself and make sure to lick up any mess left behind. This is my first time as well, after all~”
“Uh, sure. you’re right.” Yusaku gulped and tried to relax as Ai suggested.
“Sorry, I must have made you uneasy again... Are you sure about this?” Ai implored, worry casting doubt on his face. Ai didn’t want to go through with this unless he was absolutely certain Yusaku was on board.
Yusaku nodded. “I’m sure! I just...” he trailed off for a few seconds. “This kind of situation is hard for me. Therapists are the only people I really see regularly.”
“What about your roommate? Don’t you have any friends?” Ai inquired.
“I... can’t get close to others,” Yusaku started, “I can’t accept anyone’s friendship.”
Ai faltered upon hearing this information, but he was able to put the pieces together. “Oh... because of the incident...”
“Yeah,” Yusaku confirmed, lowering his gaze as he bit the inside of his cheek, “But worrying like that doesn’t matter right now.”
“Right,” Ai gently remarked. He had no idea this 'incident' had impacted him so much. Yusaku was someone who—beneath the seriousness—was under intense emotional turmoil. Ai wanted to be as reassuring and sweet as he could.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel more at ease, Yusaku?”
“I can’t think of anything. Just... be gentle, I guess,” Yusaku shrugged.
“Hm... I can try. I just don’t want to accidentally overdo it! What if I drink too much and you end up fainting? Or if it’s too painful? What if—”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” Yusaku interrupted. “Maybe we should have a safety net in case something happens.”
“Yeah,” Ai began, “What about... a safe word? Something you can say if you want me to stop?”
“That could work,” Yusaku answered. “Do you have an idea?”
Ai shook his head, “I feel like you should come with it, since you’ll be the one who has to say it.”
Yusaku brought his index finger to his chin, losing himself in thought. What would be a good word to say if he needed to stop...
“What about ‘VRAINS’?”
“VRAINS?” Ai asked, perplexed. He was sure he had heard of it before but he wasn’t entirely sure where.
“Yeah, it’s the new VR system SOL Technology came out with recently. I think it’s a card game you play in a digital world or something,” Yusaku explained. “Virtual Reality Artificial Intelligence Network System.”
“Wow, that’s even more nerdy than something I could come up with, and I’m the programmer!” Ai commented, smirking.
“Hey, you asked...” Yusaku countered.
“Yeah, that I did. Are you sure that word will work for you~?”
Yusaku ignored Ai’s teasing. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”
“Well...” Ai trailed off. “You want me to drink from your fresh wound, right? What position would be most comfortable for you?”
“Ah, you're right...” Yusaku initiated, he hadn’t really thought that far ahead. “I guess just standing would be fine.”
“Okay, and how would you like me to be? Standing? Or sitting down?” Ai requested, trying to get as much detail from Yusaku as possible.
“I feel like that’s up to you,” Yusaku answered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sitting would probably be easier on you, though.”
Ai laughed nervously, “Yeah, that would probably be best.”
“Well then...” Yusaku began, “I’ll go get something from the kitchen for you to sit on. Wait here.”
“Okie dokie~” Ai hummed, as he watched his new companion open the bedroom door and walk out into the nearby kitchen.
Yusaku was back almost immediately with a black kitchen stool, and sat it in the middle of the room. “Sorry. All I have are stools,” Yusaku apologized, “I hope that’s okay.”
Ai smiled, “Yes, of course it’s fine. Thank you,” He expressed graciously, immediately moving towards the stool to sit down. Ai rested his feet on the support of the stool, and wiggled around a little bit to get comfortable.
“Okay, if everything is ready...” Yusaku trailed off, brandishing his bandaged wrist. “Please have your fill.”
“With pleasure,” Ai replied, as he carefully unwrapped the bandages on Yusaku’s wrist.
Yusaku nodded, aiding in the unwrapping. He tossed the bandage aside, his clear cut wounds on full display. If Ai had noticed the previous scars on his wrist, he made no note of them.
“Please let yourself be satiated. I want nothing more than to feel the pain right now,” Yusaku exclaimed with full confidence that Ai would do just that.
“Very well,” Ai complied, and took Yusaku’s wrist gently into his slender fingers.
He firmly gripped the small of Yusaku’s wrist, thumb settling against the side of his palm to angle it towards his mouth. Ai slowly licked the wounds, as if preparing for his meal—savouring the moment before he would consume. Yusaku flinched a bit at the sudden cold, wet sensation. However, his eyes didn’t move from watching Ai and the way his tongue ran across his flesh—he couldn't ignore the way it stung and made his elbow jerk slightly.
Ai stopped suddenly, and looked up into Yusaku's eyes. “Hey, can you get a little closer?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Yusaku apologized, not realizing just how stiff his position was. He grew so focused on the feeling that he hadn’t realized he pulled away. He felt a bit nervous the closer he got to Ai, but continued to shuffle closer.
“Is this okay?”
“Better... but,” Ai wavered, “Do you mind if I press my other hand against your back? For more leverage...”
Yusaku sighed, a bit annoyed at his own inability to be comfortable in close proximity to another living being. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He wiggled closer into Ai's touch.
Permission granted, Ai clumsily wrapped his free hand around Yusaku’s back and nudged him closer. It seemed they shared embarrassment for this new experience, but it couldn’t be helped.
Yusaku exhaled lightly to calm his nerves. However, his focus was was interrupted abruptly by the aching pain that shot up his wrist. He looked down at Ai, and flinched from the ache as Ai’s fangs gently drilled into his wrist. He winced at the impact of Ai’s bite, which pierced into the exact location of his wound. The burning sensation morphed into a twisted bliss as he let the wave course through him. Yusaku—forcing his eyes shut—focused intently on Ai’s touch against him, clenching his teeth to keep himself composed as Ai fed on him. But he couldn’t stifle the groan that escaped his lips as the overwhelming feelings of pain and pleasure swirled together, far too much for him to stand.
Hearing Yusaku react like that triggered something unknown in Ai—a drive to continue that couldn’t be comprehended. Tilting Yusaku’s wrist away, Ai lifted his fangs from within his skin and let the warm blood from within trickle out from the bite wounds. He quickly licked Yusaku’s wrist, savouring the rich iron flavour, and felt a burning sensation of his own that set him aflutter as it cascaded down his throat. The blood from a human is better than could be imagined, and Ai let himself savour the moment completely as he played with the warmth against his taste buds, head spinning in exhilaration.
However, it wasn't enough. Ai was growing hungrier and hungrier
Yusaku, feeling the twinge of pain dissipate, peered open his eyes as Ai hungrily licked against him, taking in Ai’s appearance. Ai’s thick long lashes, lengthy sharp nose, accentuated cheeks and jaw—they were all brushed against Yusaku’s skin as Ai breathed against Yusaku’s wrist with each taste. Yusaku felt that Ai was nothing short of breathtaking. He had to mentally stop himself from caressing Ai’s beautiful silky hair without thinking, but the way the loose waves graced against him were so tempting.
Ai, with his hand behind Yusaku’s back, pulled him closer and plunged a second bite into Yusaku’s second wound. Ai bit down fiercely against him and gripped his wrist tightly, black nails digging into Yusaku’s skin as he buried his fangs deeper into him. Ai’s cheeks flushed with the frenzied feelings that took over him.
Yusaku cried out as he felt the rush of pain and pleasure against him, the swirl of delightful feelings deepening as Ai’s fangs punctured his skin. Yusaku’s knees buckled from Ai’s vigour, and sweat dropped from his forehead as Ai licked ravenously against the crimson droplets that continuously poured out from the incisions.
Yusaku groaned as the aching feeling rapidly washed over him—although it was equally a wave of relief. In this moment, he could stop worrying or thinking about anything else. Yusaku could let himself be consumed by the ravenous desires of a strange vampire, and let his mind be filled with nothing but reprieve. He could forget it all as Ai gnawed against his flesh, submerging them both even deeper into a trance.
Like the snake in the garden of Eden, Yusaku had been tempted—and he gave in so willingly to it. The pain felt like a heavenly release from his troubles, easing all of his burdens. He let himself get lost in it, completely disconnecting from his anguish. He freely whimpered and moaned as Ai devoured him, sinking to the floor as his knees gave out from becoming lightheaded.
Ai was quick to support Yusaku’s weight, leaning him against himself, and cradling his back. The sudden embrace startled Yusaku as he heard and felt his heart pounding wildly in his ears. Though, he couldn't hear Ai’s in return—only the sound of Ai gorging and swallowing his blood—because vampires don’t have a heartbeat. This ended up somehow being a comfort to Yusaku, though. No matter how weird he was as a human, Ai would never see him the way that most humans did. He wasn’t strange or off putting, he wasn’t creepy or freaky. He was just... a human. Yusaku felt his cheeks warm at the notion, allowing him to sink in even further, as Ai retained his focus towards feeding on Yusaku.
The entanglement of Yusaku’s moans and Ai’s slobbery caresses gave birth to a whole new sensation for the both of them. Yusaku, who only wanted to feel pain to escape his immense anguish, and Ai, who had never once tasted the warm, tender blood of a human—the two of them were lost in separate—albeit similar—sensations. It was ecstasy.
Ai’s grip on Yusaku’s wrist grew so tight that he began to draw blood—that blood, as well as from both gashes, now dripped from his wrist onto the stool , as well as the floor. Ai deepened their break in reality as he ran his tongue against Yusaku’s arm to catch as much as he could from slipping away from him. The hungry noises escaping Ai’s mouth, and the sounds of pleasure emitting from Yusaku’s, were increasing. Ai found himself in an intoxicated daze, drunk on Yusaku’s taste, unable to be satiated.
Yusaku feebly grabbed the top of Ai’s head with his free hand and tangled his fingers through the soft locks. Yusaku’s wincing and whining were muffled against Ai as he leaned over into him as the pain reached a tipping point.
“Ai,” Yusaku mumbled desperately against him, as if there was no end to this euphoria, “Haah, Ai...”
Hearing Yusaku call his name finally knocked Ai out of his trance. He had been so preoccupied with savouring his blood that he didn’t realize how lost he had become. Ai gave one last lick against Yusaku’s blood stained wrist, and wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He exhaled heavily as he looked into Yusaku’s tired green eyes with longing.
“Yusaku...” he trailed off for a second. “Is everything alright?” Ai questioned with concern. He released Yusaku’s wrist and put his hand against Yusaku’s shoulder.
“I’m fine. Sorry, I just...” Yusaku hesitated. “I-It felt really good,” he confessed breathlessly, his exhaustion catching up with him.
His breathing was erratic—each breath he inhaled was more hoarse than the one before it. His body arched from exhaustion and Yusaku could not keep his balance. Ai attempted to steady him, extending both of his arms to hold onto Yusaku’s back tightly.
“Ah,” Ai spoke, also gasping. His breathing too, was pretty erratic. “I’m glad such a selfish act made you feel so good...”
“It’s not... selfish,” Yusaku exhaled, trying to stabilize himself. “I’m the one who asked you for this... I’m the selfish one.”
“And I selfishly agreed,” Ai quipped, bringing his hands back up to hold Yusaku by both shoulders, “I could have denied you.”
Yusaku laughed, nervously, “Maybe. But what kind of vampire would you be if you weren’t tempted?” He wheezed, now feeling a bit more at ease. He was still a bit uncomfortable with this closeness now that he’d become more rational, but was grateful for the help keeping balanced.
“I could have told you I was addicted. How do you know I’m not?” Ai asked, a smirk dancing across his lips, “We barely know each other!”
“Well,” Yusaku began, “I think we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well in this moment. Haven’t we?”
“Oh?” Ai taunted him, “In what way? What do you know about me now that you didn’t before, Yusaku-chan~?”
“For one, you’re a liar. You made a mess when you assured me that you wouldn’t,” he mocked. “Or maybe that just makes you clumsy.”
The realization hit Ai like a ton of bricks, and his entire face turned beet red. He placed his hand in front of his face, trying to hide it in whatever way possible. He turned to the side, “Y-You got me on that one...” He admitted with complete embarrassment.
“There’s no need to be shy about it,” Yusaku stated, “It’s only natural, isn’t it? Being clumsy when you don’t know someone very well.”
His cool facade was completely seen through. Ai had been exposed. “I suppose that’s true,” he sighed heavily, “I’m so sorry about the mess. I’ll clean up for you, okay?”
“That won’t be necessary. I can do it myself,” Yusaku answered, trying to get up onto his feet—but his knees began to give out again. Maybe he shouldn’t try moving around so quickly after losing so much blood.
“No, no, you need to rest,” Ai told him sternly. He lifted him up from underneath his knees, and carried him to his bed. Ai laid him down on the cotton blue sheets gently, his eyes turning lax. “I’ll get you cleaned up first. What do I need?”
Yusaku sighed, defeated, “Outside and to the right is the bathroom...” He started. “You’ll find a wash cloth, bandages, and ointment there,” He continued to explain. “The kitchen we walked past on our way here. You’ll find paper towels there that you’ll need for cleaning up.”
Ai nodded and walked steadily to the bedroom door. He opened it slowly and gently closed it shut behind him, leaving Yusaku alone momentarily. He went and got everything as Yusaku had directed, and prepared to clean up.
He found almost all the supplies in no time, but was distracted by what he remembered in the sink. The knife... his mind hadn’t let go of that image still.
Maybe I should wash that for him... so he doesn’t become unsettled thinking I might have seen it... Ai quietly thought, picking up the knife by its hilt with one of his hands, and carefully running the tap to wash the utensil.
Afterwards, he grabbed the paper towels and quickly made his way back to Yusaku’s room.
Closing the door on his way back in, Ai sat down beside Yusaku on the bed, his legs draped over the edge of the mattress. Yusaku looked half asleep, not registering Ai’s presence until he had put down the supplies on Yusaku’s nightstand.
“So... what can I do for you? This shouldn’t be too much different from patching up a regular sliced wound, right?” Ai inquired patiently as he shuffled over to where Yusaku laid on the bed.
“Use the wash cloth to wipe down my wounds, and then,” Yusaku began to explain, “Help me wrap them up after applying the ointment. Just not too tight, please.”
Nodding, Ai set his sights on helping Yusaku. He washed and wiped his arm cautiously, minimizing any continued discomfort as he worked to clean up the stains. Yusaku tensed once or twice at the sensitivity of his fairly tattered wrist, but wrapping his arms up properly was necessary.
Yusaku felt a bit embarrassed being shown this kind of compassion, but he wouldn’t become dispirited in the care being shown to him. Even if Yusaku could only watch Ai work, he was grateful considering the immense exhaustion he felt. Yusaku couldn’t help but flash a small smile towards Ai as he finished cleaning him up and wrapping the bandages.
“There, all done~” Ai proclaimed, clapping his hands together in the process. “Wait... what's that look for?” Ai noticed, questioning Yusaku’s uncharacteristic expression.
“It's nothing... just, thanks.” He hadn’t expected such a warmhearted gesture after having an unfamiliar vampire drink his blood, but Yusaku enjoyed it nonetheless. It was nice to be taken care of in such a way, even if he did ask for it to begin with.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s the least I can do,” Ai retorted, a cheesy smile forming across his face. “I’ll take care of this stuff when I drink. Which, considering that this got a bit heated, I suppose you’ll be relying on me if next time is the same...”
Yusaku nodded, holding his bandaged wrist in his hand. Yeah... they had just shared a kind of wild experience. Pressing his other hand against his bandages, Yusaku could feel his arm pulsating as the blood circulated back to his veins, where it had been lost previously. Unexpectedly, Ai delicately grasped his arm and kissed his wrist gently, grinning against his arm. Yusaku looked at him with wide eyes for the unexpected action, but didn’t retract his hand. It was somehow... a reassurance. The kind that showed how Ai would mend him afterwards.
“...You sure are coherently playful for being supposedly drunk,” Yusaku chuckled plainly.
Ai giggled. “Yeah, I don’t get too wild when I drink,” He confessed. “My friends have told me I'm a flirt when I get drunk—uhh not that I’d ever try that too much with you, of course!” He waved his hands as if expressing his sincerity.
Yusaku exhaled and brought his hand to his side. “No need to clarify, Ai,” he told him, “That’s not what this is like anyway, is it?”
"Maybe, maybe not..." Ai responded jokingly, a bit dejected. “Now, I’ll get to cleaning up your stool and the floor before I head out of here~"
Yusaku approved wordlessly and allowed himself to relax on his soft bed now that he had been patched up again.
As a few moments passed, Yusaku got to thinking. When was the last time he felt like this after hurting himself? He couldn’t recall it ever being this satisfying. Not like what this did for him... What Ai did for him. Yusaku kept himself occupied with these kinds of aimless thoughts until Ai chimed in again after finishing up.
“Will that be all, Yusaku-chan~? Shall I see myself out?”
Yusaku lightly nodded, looking Ai straight in the eyes, “Thank you for tonight, again. I really appreciate it.”
Ai scoffed, “I feel like I’m the one getting the better end of the bargain here, but, well, you’re welcome. I’m glad this exchange can be mutually beneficial to us both.”
Yusaku agreed once more, leaving Ai to, well, leave. But Yusaku sat up and stopped his departure by grabbing a hold of the end of his sleeve.
“Wait... when can I have more?” Yusaku pleaded, tugging his fingers against the hem of Ai’s shirt.
“Wow, you really enjoyed that, huh?” Ai teased. “I told you before, just show me proof that you’re making strides to get better. Show me what you learn about that incident of yours~”
“...Very well. I’ll get to it right away,” Yusaku responded, releasing his hold of Ai and stepping with him as they exited the room and walked down the hall.
“I look forward to it, then!” Ai bowed, as Yusaku guided him back to the entrance, sending him on his way home—wherever that was.
“Good night, Yusaku,” Ai murmured, smiling slyly and waving goodbye to his new companion as he walked out the door.
“Good night, Ai,” Yusaku acknowledged with a wave, closing the door behind him.