“It’s been a month now, hasn’t it…?”
The next line you’d expect after hearing something like that is “time sure does fly” right? I really wish that were true.
This room… it’s so empty.
Truth be told, it had felt so empty for weeks now. Dirty clothes were littered carelessly all throughout the room—thrown off in a lazy, seemingly depressed haze. There were quite a number of undergarments flung around too; some tossed lazily on the bed, while the rest were just left on the floor alongside all of the other laundry. There was a collection of empty water bottles amassing near the windowsill as well, which had become too much of a hassle to deal with now. The smell of the cool, winter breeze permeated the room, alongside a small trace of peppermint tea.
The pink, lacy fabric of the bed sheets was tangled up on top of the mattress, scrunched up from a busy evening of restless sleep. What’s the point in making a bed that would be like this every morning anyway?
“Her flight should be coming in soon…”
Her bright red hair always stood out in photos, but it especially stood out that morning. There was no escaping her presence when she was gone, but now that she was due to return soon… it glared at Himari without remorse.
Glancing next to her on the bed was a scrunched up sweater. The dark brown colour made it easy to hide the drop of chocolate that it had been stained with on the left sleeve. (Has it been about a week ago, now? I’m not sure.) The design on the back was pretty generic, but it was a design that Himari could only associate with her.
“Tomoe.”
It was Tomoe’s sweater. Himari wore it to bed every night since she had left her, in some kind of vain hope it would lull her into a peaceful sleep. It never did, but that didn’t deter her from wearing it. The once faint scent of Tomoe’s cologne had since dissipated, which was disappointing but not unexpected.
Despite all this, the sweater brought Himari some kind of strange comfort during the long month of her absence. On hard days it helped keep her glued together, and on long ones it welcomed her into its warmth—just like Tomoe would.
It’s still only a sweater though.
A sweater can’t replace a person, but… it felt really nice donning fabric that was once worn by someone else. Especially if that someone else was Tomoe. Tomoe Tomoe Tomoe Tomoe Tomoe!! That’s all that wracked her brain the entire time she was gone. It was their first time apart for so long since they were children, and it tore Himari apart.
She should be happy that she’s back!—but somewhere, something in Himari couldn’t find it in herself to. It had been an entire month of no contact after all, so suddenly having contact again not only seemed strange, but it made her anxious. What if Tomoe went away again? She’d have to get used to her absence an entirely different time. And... what if she didn't even want to see her...?
These thoughts had plagued Himari for the past two weeks, in a never ending occurrence of intrusive thinking and nightmares. Himari had truly taken her presence for granted—losing Tomoe for an entire month really knocked into place just how difficult not having her around was. Life was somehow completely different without her, and Himari hadn’t planned for such a swift 180 degree turn.
Her phone started to ring. It vibrated on the bed next to her, but she never answered it.
Himari woke up in the same sweater she always did. Even if she didn’t wear it to sleep, she’d wake up with on it on regardless. It was as if she instinctively reached out for it in her sleep, even if she didn’t want to wear it because oh my god it’s so hot even in the winter.
She sighed, laying back down on her sloppily made bed. She cradled one of her pillows in her arms, burying her head in its fluffy centre. She didn’t even notice her phone had started to buzz—instead turning on her side, which caused it to drop on the floor.
Hearing the thud behind her, Himari loosened her grip on the pillow and moved to pick her phone up off the floor by her bed. She noticed she had a new text notification when she picked it up, so she decided to check it.
It was from Lisa.
‘hey, himari! i just heard from moca that tomoe is going to be home today. how are you holding up?’
I don’t know. I don’t know at all. I just want to sleep.
‘i’m fine, lisa! i’ll see her at school tomorrow!’
There really isn’t any way to masque how awful I feel, is there?
She didn’t end up answering, and instead attempted to roll over and fall asleep again, her phone still clutched in her hands.
Who cares! It’s Sunday! I’ll do what I want!
Before she could do what she wanted though, Himari’s phone began to buzz again, this time in her hands. It was a phone call—because of course it was…—from Moca. She didn’t want to pick up, but Himari knew Moca and she knew Moca wouldn’t stop calling until she picked up. Even if she was at work, she’d persist until she answered.
Though Himari would never admit it, she felt Moca was more the glue that kept Afterglow together than she herself was. Moca simply wasn’t as upfront about it, which was something she admired. Himari wished she could cloak her feelings in her words like Moca could, but she could never hope to do so.
It was obvious to anyone that Himari had not been in good spirits for the last month, but she didn’t want to worry everybody… Of course, by just avoiding it, she was probably just making her friends worry more.
…So she finally picked up her phone—
—Wait they lived together so there wasn’t much of a point, anyway!!
“Hello?”
“Hii-chan~!” A familiar voice resounded from the speaker of her phone. “Tomo-chin is back, you know… You should go see her.”
She knew Moca was speaking in a way she hoped would help, but it just made Himari’s body crunch up. “Sorry Moca, but I don’t think I’m up to it yet. I’ll see her in class tomorrow.”
Himari could taste the ferocity in which Moca replied. “What are you taking about!? You’ve been moping all month long because you miss her and now you don’t even want to see Tomo-chin until tomorrow!? We only have one class together—”
Normally she’d cover the speaker when Moca would get loud, but Himari found herself allowing the noise to pierce her ear. “M-Moca, please… just promise me you won’t tell her you called, okay? Tell her I’m sick. I’ll see you both at evening class tomorrow.”
“But Hii-chan—”
“Sorry… Bye bye Moca.”
“She’s sick…?”
Moca nodded, her expression not hiding the concern she held. Luckily, she was on the phone. “Yeah, she’s pretty sick, Tomo-chin. She should be better by class tomorrow though~”
“Hm, I guess I’ll leave her alone to get better then! Phew…” Tomoe paused, slouching in the sofa she collapsed on when she was finally able to rest. Ako had picked up from the airport as she promised, and allowed her to stay at her apartment for a time before driving her home.
“I’m going to sleep this jet lag off—”
“Tomo-chin, wait.”
“Hm?” Tomoe questioned. “What’s up, Moca?”
“I told Hii-chan I’d tell you she was sick, but I never promised I’d stop you from seeing her…” She trailed off, trying to cleverly cover her tracks. Moca never promised Himari that she wouldn’t send Tomoe to her after all.
“I know you’re tired and with your family, but I think you should see her at home.”
“Moca…” Tomoe responded, a trace of surprise in her voice. She could tell this wasn’t just a random suggestion—and the thought of that made Tomoe extremely anxious.
What the hell is going on?
“Moca? Did something happen?”
“Hmm~? Not at all. I hope you and Hii-chan have a good time catching up!”
“Moca—”
The dial tone rang through Tomoe’s ear before she could ask anything more.
She sighed, scrolling through her phone to find Himari’s contact. Her finger hovered over the call button, but she hesitated. She wanted to ask her directly what was going on, but if she was truly sick, texting her might be the better option.
What happened while I was gone…?
Bzzt. Bzzt.
Roused awake by the incessant buzzing of her phone, Himari rolled around in bed restlessly before groggily reaching for her phone on the bedside table. Holding it in her trembling hands, she squinted at the sudden brightness and velocity of all the messages she was receiving.
She knew without a doubt they’d be from Tomoe, but she still held onto some semblance of doubt it would be.
'Where are you?; are you alright?; I miss you; I want to see you; do you want me to bring over some soup?; are you taking care of yourself?; are you actually sick?; what’s going on?; I love you; I’m sorry…'
The texts just continued, on and on and on and on.
Tomoe had never been one to text so frequently and rapidly, but she sure was doing so right now! It made Himari worry, which only hastened the painful gnawing that had been growing in her chest.
She swallowed a tough knot in her throat, quieting her whimpering lips that desperately wanted to say something. Anything. Stop stop stop stop stop stopstopstopstopstop—
“Tomoe…”
Wiping the tears that started to fall from her darkened eyes, Himari bit her lip.
'I’m coming home right now.'
“Please, don’t…!” Himari cried out, quickly covering her mouth with her small, tear stained hands.
“I don’t want you to see me like this. Anyone but you. Don’t come here.”
It was useless. Not only in a sense that Himari couldn’t bring herself to send those pained emotions to Tomoe in the form of a text message, but she knew… She knew that even if she did, Tomoe would ignore her words. Not because of her own desires—no, that couldn’t be further from the truth—it was because she would see through her words so easily.
“You’re lying.” She’d say. “You can tell me you don’t want this, but I know you do. You’re just afraid.”
And she’d be right. Tomoe understood Himari's emotions better than she herself could ever hope to, and that was both a terrifying and liberating notion. A notion neatly wrapped up into a ball of fear and anxiety that had been eating at Himari for quite some time.
It’s not fair. I want to understand you just as well, too.
Maybe it was just like a cheesy romance movie, but Tomoe couldn’t stop herself from running to Himari’s place. It was raining and dark and all that typical romantic jargon you’d see in a manga or a movie—it amused Tomoe a bit now she thought about it. Such a thing would bring Himari to tears if she was seeing it for herself.
“You’ve always been such a romantic, Himari.”
Ako’s apartment wasn’t too far from her own— one that she shared with all her childhood friends—but it was still a bit of a journey. Ako had offered to take the day off of work to drive her sister home earlier, but Tomoe refused to allow her to do such a thing.
“Don’t risk your job for me, Ako.”
Slightly regretting the refusal now, though. Just slightly.
Cursing her legs for not being able to carry her faster than she was hoping, Tomoe fell short of breath at her lack of strength. It was to be expected considering how tired she was from the long flight, but such a fact did not stop her frustrations. She needed to run to Himari as fast as possible, but her body simply refused such a request in its current state.
Goddammit …
Tomoe’s fears kept eating away at her the slower her legs were moving, but she kept a steady pace no matter how shallow her breathing became. Himari still had yet to answer her text messages, which worried her immensely. It wasn’t like Himari not to return her messages…
Tomoe’s steady pace helped to keep her mind off of her racing thoughts, anyway.
It’s not like she’s deathly ill or anything—wait, what if that’s what it is!? It would be so like Himari to not tell anyone— Oh my god, I really hope that’s not it—
Her panicked thoughts started to cloud the rational part of her brain, which resulted in Tomoe becoming more clumsy in her movements. It wasn’t long before her body began to sway back and forth, which led to her foot eventually slipping on the wet pavement.
She crashed to the ground, falling face forward into the cement.
“I can’t afford this right now…!” She cursed through gritted teeth.
Swiftly lifting her body upwards and off the pavement, Tomoe continued her trek while ignoring her injuries. Her nose, forehead, and chin were all scratched up pretty badly, and her mouth tasted of blood from biting the inside of her cheek. She tried to swallow the taste away, but eventually had to resort to spitting out small traces of blood every so often.
She was almost there. It wouldn’t be long now.
…This is so dramatic. Maybe I should be in a romance movie right now.
Himari couldn’t sleep, despite how much she wished she could. Waiting on the eventual arrival of Tomoe was so painful, for so many different reasons—most of which she couldn’t really sort out.
“That’s if she’s actually even coming… Wait.” She cut herself off.
“Why am I even thinking that!? She told me she’s coming, why wouldn’t she—”
Is this really—
Himari’s thoughts were cut off when she heard a loud banging coming from the front door.
Tomoe was hitting the door with all the strength that she had left within her, hoping to god Himari would come to the door quickly. Hoping she would welcome her as she always did—with that soft, heartwarming smile that felt like home. The faint pink of her cheeks decorating her face in a warm glow—a glow that couldn’t stop Tomoe from kissing those cheeks every time she saw her like that.
“Forgot your keys again, Tomoe? Geez…”
“I do it on purpose.”
When Himari got to the door, she opened it very slowly, refusing to show much of her face. She didn’t want Tomoe to see much of her vulnerability until she was ready—but she didn’t want to seem completely cold either.
“Come on in.” She peeped.
Though Tomoe could scarcely hear the words Himari had squeaked out from behind the door, she quietly walked inside and closed the door behind her. She took off her drenched shoes and coat and placed them in an area near the entrance to dry—as she always did when she came home in such weather.
In the dim light, Himari took notice of the injuries on Tomoe’s face. The guilt she felt at such a display made her lip quiver, but she was sure to hide it in a quick turn of her body.
It was late—bordering on midnight by now—which left Himari alone in the house since Ran, Moca, and Tsugumi worked midnight shift that night. Though she didn’t have to worry about waking anyone, she made sure to keep the lights dim anyway. It was easier to hide her face this way, too.
But she couldn’t find the courage, nor the willpower to speak. All she could do was grip the sweater she was still wearing.
Tomoe’s sweater.
Tomoe spoke first, instead.
“Are you okay!?” She panicked.
“You never answered my messages.”
Himari hung her face lower at the question, and swallowed the lump that had amassed in her throat. She attempted to still herself before answering.
It didn’t go well.
“I-I’m fine, Tomoe. There was really no need for you to come home so quickly… I’m just a bit sick, that’s all! Ako must be worried—”
“You’re lying.”
It was so easy to tell.
“Hahaha…” Nervous laughter escaped Himari’s lips, her voice beginning to shake.
“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
Though her voice was becoming more muffled, Tomoe could hear the upset in Himari’s voice. It made her usual reaction of abrupt laughter at such a statement fall flat. There was no way she could possibly reply as such in this moment.
Instead, she slowly inched her way closer to Himari. With each small step she heard, Himari clenched her fists that were resting on her chest. Though Tomoe’s shirt was a bit damp from the rain seeping through her coat, she paid the cold no mind—even as it ran goosebumps up her arm and down her back.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Tomoe pleaded, her hand stopping short of grabbing a small strand of Himari’s hair.
I don’t know what to do in this situation… She is wearing my sweater, though. It kinda stinks actually—
Fighting through the small trickling of tears that had begun to flow from her eyes, Himari managed an answer.
…Somehow.
“I missed you.” She squeaked, barely containing her composure.
“I feel like I haven’t talked to you in years.”
Himari laughed, twirling a tuft of stray hairs that peaked out from above her ear. She had begun to compose herself much better, finally. “I’m sorry, it’s so silly to say such a thing—you’ve only been gone a few weeks! It’s just felt like so much longer than that, you know?”
Tomoe took a small step closer. She couldn’t tell what Himari was trying to say exactly, which was… troubling. She had always been able to effortlessly read Himari’s feelings, but that wasn’t the case this time. Was it because she was gone for so long? Had she lost that instinct? Or was it because, perhaps… they were growing up?
People change… don’t they?
“I mean, I feel the same way but, what exactly is it that’s troubling you?”
Gulp.
“You can’t tell, can you?” Himari asked, finally turning around to face Tomoe head on. Her cheeks were marked with red blotches from all the crying she’d done, and her misty eyes were impossible to miss. Her shirt was stained in drops of water, too.
I’m so stupid. Forgive me.
“I’m… scared, Tomoe.”
Her chest tightening from the sight she beheld, Tomoe gulped once more before closing the gap between the two of them. She wasn’t sure if she should hug Himari, or kiss her, or hold her, or just… refrain from touching her at all.
She went with her instinct, hoping to hell it was the right choice.
Of course it is, you idiot.
She placed her hands on Himari’s cheeks, drying away the trickles of tears that poured down her face with her thumbs. The two locked eyes for several moments—each with heavy, darkened eyelids that matched their panicked breathing.
“I’m sorry, Himari.”
Himari shook her head, placing her hands on Tomoe’s arms. “It’s not your fault.”
Planting a gentle kiss on Himari’s forehead before answering, Tomoe continued to rub her cheeks. “Then what is it, Himari?”
“I don’t want to be without you again!” Himari shouted, pulling down on Tomoe’s arms, gripping them tightly.
Tomoe was forced to lean down by such a sudden movement, but found herself slowly beginning to relax her thoughts.
Is that what this is about…?
“It hurt, Tomoe! I don’t like not having you around! What if that happens again? What if you forget about me? I don’t want that—”
“Himari.”
The way Tomoe whispered her name still made Himari’s heart flutter, no matter how many times she heard it. It was a quiet, reassuring whisper that always calmed her down—and it was no exception this time either.
It was a something only Tomoe could manage. It was special.
I guess some things never change, do they? It’s the same as always.
“I’m not going anywhere. I told you I’d bring you with me next time, didn’t I? Besides…” She trailed off, rummaging through her sweatpants and into a side pocket.
This wasn’t the time, nor the place she wanted… but it would have to do.
“I left because I wanted to make this for you. …Ah, sorry for lying about it.”
Upon finding the item she had put in her velcro pocket before running to Himari, Tomoe pulled it out and knelt before her on one knee.
It was a small, velvet box that she opened up gently while she knelt down, her hand holding it steady before her. I’m sure she can tell where this is going, but it’s still pretty romantic, huh? …Am I doing this right?
“T-Tomoe…! Th-This!?”
Tomoe nodded, her heart racing with anxiety.
“Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will, you dummy!!”
Himari immediately tackled Tomoe to the ground after giving her reply, and enveloped her in a tight embrace as her hands wrapped around her waist.
Tomoe managed to close the box just in time, so that the fragile item inside of it would not be lost. She laughed at the sudden change in mood, as a sigh of relief completely washed over her. She was so afraid she had ruined everything by leaving for so long—
After the laughter died down, Tomoe managed to form some kind of semblance of a verbal reaction.
“You know Himari, usually you’re supposed to put the ring on first—”
Releasing Tomoe at the last word, her head hit the floor with a loud thud. Himari clasped her cheeks in embarrassment and guilt, while completely ignoring her now fiancee , whose head just fell on the floor.
“Ahhh I’m so dumb, I’m sorry Tomoe!”
“…Tomoe?”
“Himari, my head hurts…” Tomoe whined, picking her head up from off the floor and rubbing the back of it that had begun to throb.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“I’m sorry!! Please forgive me!! I—”
“Shh.” Tomoe sighed.
“It’s fine. Just kiss it better later.”
Himari nodded, drying the tears that were still pouring out from her eyes.
Why did I do that!?
“A-Anyway.” Tomoe started, coughing into her shoulder.
“I went to a specialty workshop so I could make the ring by hand… I made one for myself too, which is why it took so long.”
“By hand…?” Himari inquired.
“Yeah! I made this ring myself! It has a special engraving and everything. But I had to travel pretty far for it.”
The joy on Tomoe’s face was truly a sight to behold—her goofy grin showcasing both her happiness and her pride in keeping such a thing a secret for so long. “Here, take a look.”
She laughed some more, the silly look on her face staying intact. “Maybe put it on this time.”
Himari nodded, carefully taking the box Tomoe handed her into her own hands. She gently pried it open, noticing a thin, silver band—a ring—in the centre. She slipped it onto her left ring finger with ease, carefully studying the band as it rested on her finger.
“Together, the same as always. Forever. Love, Tomoe Udagawa.”